A Whole Lot of Nothing

Now that I'm used to extreme sleep deprivation, I can see the pros that come with an ultra-structured lifestyle. I'm so much more productive than I've been since living on my own. Take today, for instance. In a 24 hour period, I will have worked for sixteen hours, driven a total of three hours, taken Shelby grocery shopping, slept for a couple of hours, taken care of my cat, and cleaned my bathroom. And I anticipate seeing a lower number on the scale tomorrow morning.

I am woman, hear me roar.

Also? It's true what they say about structure for regulating those pesky emotions. It's no secret that my moods have gotten me in trouble in the past, but these days I'm normal-person stable, other than the whateverthatwas in early December. Even that, though, was small potatoes, comparatively. It's almost like I can be wrestled out of my own head with a few years of practice and the final push provided by an insane schedule, who knew?

It is maddening to take whole-day naps, however. Whole days, wasted! I've accepted that they are necessary for my continuing functioning, though, and my sleep schedule somehow has not reversed itself, so we're doing okay.

There are definite downsides, though. My whole life is my two jobs, my cat, and whatever NPR I catch on my way to and from work. Other than the Republican primaries, I don't feel passionate about much. Maybe that's a good thing, as I do tend to passion myself into emotional oblivion, but still, it's a little sad. And relationships? They are so hard to maintain. Literally any time I could devote to them is a very real sacrifice. And I definitely miss romantic relationships, ever since I spent months on that one that never did completely materialize. There's no way that that one is going to happen while I'm on my current schedule, and the lack of smooches is a definite bummer. And emotional intimacy? What's that?

But the money is good and the experience is great and the jobs themselves suit me perfectly. So what am I going to do when the school year is over? Your guess is as good as mine.